Ask a Planner... "Should I FIRE my Maid of Honour?"

Hello Dreamgroup,

Question: Have you ever heard of anyone firing their Maid of Honour?  I’m really annoyed with mine!  She has not planned anything for my wedding, constantly complains about stuff like that I chose strapless bridesmaid dresses, and is just plain poopy all around.  I realize I could be coming across as a total bridezilla right now, but I’m seriously upset and quite disappointed with her.  Isn't the Maid of Honour supposed to plan your stagette and shower and offer to help with planning and be a positive force in your life?  Maybe that’s just in the movies. 

Thanks…

Susie, a super annoyed bride to be!

Hello Susie,

Thanks for reaching out… This is a tough one because friendship is at stake.  It’s hard to “fire” a bridesmaid or maid of honour without seriously compromising your relationship so you will certainly want to think carefully about how you will proceed. It is true your bridal attendants are supposed to be pillars of support during the planning of the wedding and on the day itself.  The idea is that when choosing your bridesmaids you appoint girlfriends that are already supportive and caring contributors in your life to begin with so that the transition to “wedding cheerleader” is not too much of a stretch. The Maid of Honour’s role is often a bit more hands on whereby they are expected to take the reins and initiate the arrangements behind all the “bridal occasions” that are celebrated leading up to the wedding.  I once had a client in a similar situation and gave her the same advice I will now share with you.   

The first thing you should do is arrange a time to sit down with your friend over coffee or a glass of wine and politely and calmly share your feelings with her.  Tell her you are feeling a little hurt by her attitude and that you wish she would step up a little bit and help initiate some of the plans for certain events surrounding the wedding.  If she is a true friend (which she likely is if you asked her to be your MOH) then she should understand where you are coming from.  She may be a little hurt or even surprised as most likely she is simply unaware of what her actions (or lack thereof) are doing to you.  Perhaps she has never been in a bridal party before and just doesn’t realize what the “job” of MOH entails.  

In the event that you talk it out and she doesn’t agree with you (in that she should be more supportive and take on some of the wedding responsibilities) then the next step will be to consider asking her to step down as MOH.  I would take a few days to think it over to be sure it’s the best step for you.  I realize this is a drastic course of action so what you need to do is fast forward to your wedding day and picture yourself walking down the aisle and standing up at the alter with this friend standing right next to you.  If she is going to conjure up feelings of frustration or resentment during what should be a very romantic and special moment in your life then I think the answer is obvious and you need to ask her to step down.  I think it’s important to ensure that the people standing up there with you are indeed your friends and your biggest supporters.  In my client’s case she appointed a childhood friend to the role of MOH because she felt it was the right thing to do, but later realized that she was no longer the close friend she was years ago.  My client ended up asking her friend to step down from the role and in the end she didn’t even come to the wedding (her choice).   

In summary, if you feel that this person is someone that you would not want to lose as a friend then talk it out and be honest as that’s what friends do.  If she does happen to be someone that perhaps is no longer meant to be a part of your life then asking her to step down will be a difficult, but in the end appropriate decision.  Best of luck!  Take care.  

Wedding Planner signing off!  Until next week… keep those questions coming in!  Submit your questions by emailing us at askaplanner@dreamgroup.ca

Cheerio,

Genève 

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Genève McNally, Principal Planner, DreamGroup Productions

Genève first began her wedding career in 1999 as the Catering Manager for one of Vancouver’s most sought after wedding venues, Brock House Restaurant.  In 2004 Genève and college friend Sarah Shore ambitiously started up what is now one of Vancouver's longest running and most trusted wedding planning companies, DreamGroup Productions Inc.

These days, in addition to working with her clients in a full planning capacity, Genève focuses her attention on the sales and marketing aspects of the company and is most often the friendly voice you will chat with when first inquiring with DreamGroup.  Genève is known to inspire and excite both clients and industry associates alike with her exuberant personality and joie de vivre!  Her ability to be refreshingly candid and her in depth knowledge of the wedding industry have earned her the friendly moniker “Two-Cents McNally”.  Genève also teaches the Wedding Planning classes offered through the dg Academy and is the chief correspondent behind DreamGroup's weekly Blog feature Ask a Planner.

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