Ask a Planner... "Post Marital Blues?"

Hi DreamGroup…

What does a bride do after her wedding when she’s missing the planning part and finds herself with way too much time on her hands?  Is there such thing as Post Marital Blues?  Gratitude for any advice.

Sincerely,

Bride feeling blue

My Sweet Bride Blue!

Totally absolutely completely normal!!!  Most brides who immerse themselves full swing into the planning of their wedding will feel some degree of post marital blues after the wedding day has come and gone.  For some it will be more prevalent than with others. 

How could you not? For 6-18 months before the wedding you likely spent 20+ hours a week researching, contemplating options, looking through blogs and magazines, making decisions, and then thinking some more and changing your mind.  You probably spent precious hours creating thoughtful bits and pieces to personalize your wedding, spent time playing over and over again how the day would unfold for you and your guests, how you would look, what your fiancé would be thinking when he saw you for the first time, and talked endlessly with family and friends in anticipation of this most important day.  Then all of a sudden it’s over in what often feels quite literally like two hours when in fact it was 20 hours from the start of hair and make up to when your head finally hit the pillow around 2:00am – time never flew by so quickly!

So, what do you do now?  I’ll tell you what you do!

You enjoy being married!!! This is such a special time in a woman's life when she can settle into a relationship that is committed, constant, and reassuring.  Relish in the idea that you have found a partner in crime to share your life’s journey.  I know a few people who have yet to find that kind of love. 

Next up, you wait in anticipation for the photos (and maybe film) which hopefully capture that very precious moment in your lives to perfection.  Complete (or begin if you have not already started) writing your "thank yous" to your generous guests and the wedding professionals who helped make the day what it was.  You might collect all the resources you used in planning your wedding and pass them on to a future bride in waiting.  Perhaps start a Blog to share your insights and best advice for those brides to be who might benefit from your wisdom. You may even have a couple friends who are getting married who might benefit from a friend who wants to get their hands a little dirty! 

And if you were that DIY/Crafty Bride who now has a garage or closets full of gently loved wedding treasures that should not go to waste sign up for a table at Bridal Swap taking place April 7^th at the Roundhouse in Yaletown - http://www.bridalswap.ca.

And for a small few perhaps you enjoyed yourself so much and were so successful at planning and orchestrating your wedding that a career in wedding planning is in your future - http://www.dgacademy.ca.

And if after all that you still find yourself feeling empty or need to find something to devote some time and energy into…. Why not start volunteering at your local food bank, SPCA, or other favourite cause because goodness knows the world needs more people to spend time helping others in need.

Congratulations on this very exciting time in your life my darling!  There are so many wonderful and exciting milestones ahead that will all require oodles and oodles of planning, thought, and implementation.  The best is yet to come!
 
Wedding Planner signing off!  Until next week… keep those questions coming in!  Submit your questions by emailing us at askaplanner@dreamgroup.ca 

Cheerio,
Genève 

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Genève McNally, Principal Planner, DreamGroup Productions

Genève first began her wedding career in 1999 as the Catering Manager for one of Vancouver’s most sought after wedding venues, Brock House Restaurant.  In 2004 Genève and college friend Sarah Shore ambitiously started up what is now one of Vancouver's longest running and most trusted wedding planning companies, DreamGroup Productions Inc.

These days, in addition to working with her clients in a full planning capacity and raising her two wonderful boys Harrison and Campbell with her husband, Genève focuses her attention on the sales and marketing aspects of the company and is most often the friendly voice you will chat with when first inquiring with DreamGroup.  Genève is known to inspire and excite both clients and industry associates alike with her exuberant personality and joie de vivre!  Her ability to be refreshingly candid and her in depth knowledge of the wedding industry have earned her the friendly moniker “Two-Cents McNally”.  Genève also teaches the Wedding Planning classes offered through the dg Academy and is the chief correspondent behind DreamGroup's weekly Blog feature Ask a Planner.

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Ask a Planner... "Budget Stress"

Hello DreamGroup

Any advice for a couple struggling with budget issues?  We are seriously over budget and our families are not very happy with us right now.  We had thought that we could pull off an 80 person wedding with 15K if we rolled up our sleeves and DIYd most stuff. Needless to say that’s not happening.  We totally underestimated how much everything was going to cost and have basically racked up a wedding bill of around 27K. Our families are holding their ground with the $7500.00 each they committed to so my fiancé and I are topping up some of the money an also need to find a way to reduce our budget by at least 5K.  I know you are likely laughing at us right now, but it’s the truth and any suggestions would be welcome. 

Sincerely $$$ Stressed

Chelsea M.

Dear Chelsea,

Eek. You have found yourself in a bit of a pickle haven't you?!  The good news is you still have the power to get it under control.  At least in part. On last week’s Ask a Planner I mentioned that Family Dynamics was one of the two biggest stressors during the planning of a wedding… well, Budget Stress is the other one!  The main cause of budget stress is that couples often do not start out with a realistic budget to begin with, but rather determine a number that they are comfortable/able to spend and just start checking off the planning “to do” list without determining if their budget is in line with their needs and expectations. 

The first thing you need to do Chelsea is applaud yourself for coming to this conclusion now rather than after the wedding when you are drowning in debt and dealing with angry vendors who are looking to be paid!  It unfortunately happens a lot. BEFORE the wedding takes place is the time to revisit your budget allocation and perhaps make some adjustments to the product and service line up for your wedding.  i.e. trim back menu offerings, omit little luxuries like the champagne toast or even guest favors, reduce number of photography hours by one or two, cancel professional limousine services and ask family and friends to step up in offering chauffeuring services, reduce the size of the floral centerpieces or opt for a less expensive design/flower type, etc.

My suggestion is to take a look at your budget (hopefully already drawn up in an easy to review spreadsheet format) and cross reference it with all your contracts and commitments to date.  Determine where you may have some wiggle room as far as cutting back or omitting certain services or number of hours.  It may be prudent to have a phone chat with each of your contracted vendors including the caterer/venue and ask them what they suggest as far as some clever ways to cut back without completely infringing on your contract minimums and hopefully preserving the integrity of the final product or service in question.  

Hindsight is 20-20 and although what I’m about to say won’t help you personally at this time, for the benefit of our readers I would like to stress the importance of having a realistic budget in place to begin with.  The budget should be calculated based on, not just your guest numbers, but the area you are having the wedding (Urban or Rural), your social circles, caliber expectations, as well as basic needs.  This is where an experienced planner that offers consulting services can be super beneficial in helping you create a customized estimated wedding budget factoring in all your wants and needs from the start so you can determine if the final total works within your financial means.  If it does, that’s great and you can confidently and calmly proceed from there eliminating some very stressful planning pitfalls.  If it doesn’t… well, that’s when you go back to the drawing board and re-examine your priorities and needs.

Although budgets are very complex and everyone’s needs and priorities will be different pending several cost determining factors, the basic rule of thumb in determining a realistic budget is this: decide on the caliber and type of venue you are hoping to host the wedding at, then contact them and find out what the average cost of a wedding is at that venue.  This cost should factor in food, drinks, taxes, gratuity and any room rentals if applicable.  Determine the per person cost and times that by the expected number of guests for your wedding.  This amount usually takes up approximately 40-60% of a total wedding budget pending your caliber expectations and services included.  i.e. 120 person wedding x $125.00 for F&B = $15K x 2 = $30K give or take. Food & Beverage/Bar costs can vary anywhere from $80.00 to $200.00/head once all the bells and whistles are factored in so adjust your estimate based on the venue you are considering for your wedding and go from there.

Best of luck Chelsea!  Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Wedding Planner signing off!  Until next week duckies… keep those questions coming in!  Submit your questions by emailing us at askaplanner@dreamgroup.ca

Cheerio,

Genève 



Genève McNally, Principal Planner, DreamGroup Productions

Genève first began her wedding career in 1999 as the Catering Manager for one of Vancouver’s most sought after wedding venues, Brock House Restaurant.  In 2004 Genève and college friend Sarah Shore ambitiously started up what is now one of Vancouver's longest running and most trusted wedding planning companies, DreamGroup Productions Inc.

These days, in addition to working with her clients in a full planning capacity, Genève focuses her attention on the sales and marketing aspects of the company and is most often the friendly voice you will chat with when first inquiring with DreamGroup.  Genève is known to inspire and excite both clients and industry associates alike with her exuberant personality and joie de vivre!  Her ability to be refreshingly candid and her in depth knowledge of the wedding industry have earned her the friendly moniker “Two-Cents McNally”.  Genève also teaches the Wedding Planning classes offered through the dg Academy and is the chief correspondent behind DreamGroup's weekly Blog feature Ask a Planner.

Click here to sign up for DreamGroup's Mailing list! 
We promise to inspire, inform and indulge!